Balancing the edge

When my friend Linda was in town recently, she asked me 2 questions: how do I achieve balance? That one’s easy, I said. I tell students to practice balancing postures. You feel out of balance? Try balancing on one foot. The other ways I try to seek balance in my life is by being in all the ways I want each day. And sometimes I like to use a timer to simply get in 20-30 minutes of what I want to do for myself and my own health and well-being, what I need to do, for work, or the household. In that way I can balance how I spend my day. In this way I don't spend hours at the computer, or cleaning or creating artwork, or practicing yoga or anything else. I seek balance by doing some of each. That's my plan and I'm sticking to it!

And why do I paint?

I was just finishing up a mixed media piece for the SPCA show Feb. 22. I had really found my edge with this. First of all, I want to do a painting—it’s for a good cause…to benefit the animals. I am taking a new class with Tracy Budd at the Studio School that is very exciting, creating lots of surface and putting found objects in our pieces.  I have done collages forever and mixed media previously, but this seems really new to me. A true challenge. A stepping outside the box for me.

I have really been meeting my edge, going beyond what I know. I’m in a class with true artists, and artists far more experienced with different media and techniques than I am. I missed the first class by the time I found out about the class. And I struggle with time. It’s like the only block of time I really have to put effort into art and creating, and yet I then have to rush off to teach. So I go to class because I am very excited and interested to see what we will play with next! And I got into this process of creating a painting of my cat for this show, so I had a goal and a deadline, both good motivators.

What I found most challenging was being patient…with myself…with the process. I started working in photography because that felt more “instant” to me than painting. SO to wait for paint to dry and now, to work a piece and then re-work it…and then work it again! Oh my! My need to be finished quickly was stretched. I found myself working on the piece in my head, in my dreams, and working out things with my cat Zoey during this process, not always finding the outcome in the way I would have preferred, I might add (you cat lovers get it!).

When I finally finished, and it was outside the classroom, I was really proud, and appreciated staying with the goal and touching my edge.

 

It’s about the process, patiently waiting, just like yoga. Waiting for the work to be finished. Working on the pose. I realized that what I was doing painting was what I do on the yoga mat. Only on the mat it seems more familiar than at the art table. I may be more relaxed and even go into habits on the yoga mat. What a challenge! To just come to the mat, show up and try to do your best and meet your edge and see what happens. Day after day. Time after time. The edge shifts. Our abilities change. We can do more. We can hold that balancing Tree pose longer, lunge deeper into Warrior one, work on Shoulder Stand toward that Head Stand. It’s all about patience, and seeking to push beyond what we know we can do and reach new places.

May you be inspired in your practice. May you seek to reach your edge and then go beyond that.

"Let ego, go go go" - Swami Satchidananda.

My daughter, always a source for entertainment as well as thought provoking subjects, told me about going to a yoga class. As she has back issues, she is very mindful of trying to take care of her back, listening to different teachers, trying different things so that the yoga helps, not hurts, her. She is not always successful, but she is open.

 

At a recent class she was emphatically told by the yoga teacher to not double up her mats, even though Jen had explained she works on her knees and feet all day and appreciates the extra padding and that it seems to work okay, even with balancing poses. And, she was told by this teacher, not to check her posture in the mirror, even after Jen explained she does so because her knees rotate and so she checks in, but doesn't rely, on the mirror. End result? A frustrated yogi who is considering not going back to a class because she was doing what she has tried and found works for her and was told not to do those things by a teacher she is relying on for guidance. Frustration!

 

So I am here to say, that yoga is about shedding our egos. And yoga teachers are the first ones that need to let go of trying to control our environment, and certainly to let go of making students do what we want. I apologize for yoga teachers everywhere. May we all let go of what the head thinks and follow what the heart wants!

 

Swami Satchidananda speaks of Samadhi as the final stage of life, or going to heaven, or finding freedom. He says that when the ego “ceases to be”, and there is no longer an “I”, then you are free from the ego and are pure.

 

Here’s more from Swami Satchidananda, founder of Integral Yoga:

All you have to accomplish is to see that all selfishness goes away. Where does the "I" dwell? In ego. Where does the ego live? In the mind. The ego is, in a way, the very source of mind. All the expressions of the ego, thinking, feeling, willing, could be put together under one term, "mind." If the mind gets completely purified, then it's no longer an obstruction to your experience of the Truth. When it is clean and clear, the mind doesn't color the appearance of the pure Self. It becomes a pure reflector of the Self to see its own true nature. That is the essence of spirituality.

Here’s yet another definition of ego: “In psychodynamic theory, the component of personality that tries to satisfy the wishes of the id while being responsive to the dictates of the superego.” From wiki.answers.com

The superego reins in the other two so we do what is considered “right” and moral. The id seeks what it wants: pleasure. And the ego tends to balance the 2.

Or, from Dictionary.com, ego is “the “I” or self of any person; a person as thinking, feeling, and willing, and distinguishing itself from the selves of others and from objects of its thought.”

For my purposes, I am thinking that the ego is what gets in our way. It’s the mind and the part of us that says we are separate from others. And sometimes, even makes a judgment about how we are different from others. In the instance with Jen in the gym with the yoga teacher, my concern is that the teacher tried to impart her knowledge without trying to become one with the student. To me it appears the yoga teacher wanted her student(s) to be a particular way and do the practice in a particular way, her way, if you will, instead of seeing it the way of the student’s good.

Okay, so I’m defending my daughter against a yoga teacher. Not really. As a student and as teacher of yoga, I attempt to seek knowledge. Sometimes that means the teacher learns from the student, letting go of the power trip that the teacher might be on, thinking that (s)he is right and all other methods are wrong.

That’s where I think the ego, the self, the individual “I” comes in and wreaks havoc.

Yoga is about letting go, surrendering the ego. We practice yoga mudra as the symbol of yoga, with the head below the heart. It’s a sign of letting go of the restraints of the mind and opening ourselves up to the boundlessness of the heart. Surrendering the ego can be freeing, liberating and powerful.

Here are some cues for letting go of the ego:

Don’t think you have to be right.

Let go of having to have the last word.

Let go of perfection. It’s okay to not be perfect.

Do breathe.

Allow yourself to be open to the experience, to new ideas.

May we all learn from one another. May we be open to listening to other thought and ways. May we continue to learn and grow, without allowing our minds to hold us back.

Namaste

 

October 2012 – Tapas: Heat /Discipline

It all began with a trip to the local bank, where there was a basket of chocolate candy sitting there. I was tempted. It’s only a bite of chocolate. Chocolate’s good for you.  And so began the holiday season of indulgence. Or over indulgence. Feeding ourselves. And over drinking. And parties, events, cooking and baking and making gifts or shopping. And wrapping. Where does it end?

It ends with us being stressed sick, lying in bed, waiting for it to be over.

Yes, I exaggerate, but only to make a point.

My theme this Fall has been balance, trying to find it and maintain it. As we move from the heat and activity of summer to the cold and inactivity, comparatively, of winter, we strive to keep ourselves afloat.

Everything constantly changes. The air temperature fluctuates and we are unsettled.

Yoga affords us the opportunity to re-find ourselves, to settle into our bodies and our minds. Fall is the time for balance, as we have one foot in summer and one foot in winter, we span the bridge. What a wonderful time to practice balancing yoga postures.

I am also reminded of Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras, including the 8 limbs of Yoga, his road map  for us to practice yoga and live our lives off the mat. Tapas, one of the observances from the 8 limbs of yoga, means heat or discipline, like the heat of the fire in my fireplace—it’s controlled and steady, unwavering. Unlike my discipline which is constantly shifting. I get my heart rate up and heat up my body at the gym. But it only works that way if I actually get out the door of my house-just putting the clothes and shoes on doesn’t mean I’m working out!

In discipline there is balance. It's a constant steady learning process, working at it a little at a time. Again, I am challenged with that-hence this blog which began in October ends in December!

I like the way Nischala Devi speaks of tapas in her book The Secret Power of Yoga. “Living life with zeal and sincerity, the purifying flame is ignited (tapas), revealing the inner light.” Just do it, whatever it is, just be true to yourself and do it with gusto and find your true self, your inner goodness! She defines tapas of body as “service, physical purity, living in virtue, moderation and reverence for all.” While practicing yoga and teaching it I intend to serve myself and others. I try to stay healthy, to eat well (over-doing is my downfall) and exercise, and get enough sleep. Moderation in all things is healthy. I like to make lists and include the “play” or non-work or errand items, like exercise and yoga and meditation, even writing, for every day. I need to see it to encourage myself to participate in even the healthy-for-me items! It’s difficult for me to have zeal and enthusiasm when my energy is low from lack of sleep.

Nischala Devi also speaks of tapas of the mind as “tranquil, gentle, kind, quiet, willpower and purity of thought”. When thoughts are negative they cannot be kind or gentle or pure. It takes the discipline again of taking care of my physical body in order for the mind to be pure and tranquil. Meditation certainly helps, as does being able to “sound off” to a friend’s listening ear.

The third aspect of tapas from the Bhagavad-Gita is tapas of speech, allowing our words to be an expression of the mind and heart and “be truthful, pleasant, serene, beneficial, prayer and japa” or repetition of a mantra. Even the simple thanks given before eating food is reflective of this aspect of tapas. I recently spoke to an animal communicator who told me some things to tell my cats. She said I needed to mean it, not just say the words. And that I think is tapas, for it to come from the heart.

I am reminded of my original thought, which was really about being disciplined and seeking balance during the holidays, which really began with Halloween. I am trying to be mindful of not over eating, staying with my regimen at the gym, practicing yoga and meditation, and finding space for creative outlets. I am trying to be conscious in my selection of what I do and where I go and who I am with. And I attempt to be totally present with zeal and enthusiasm. All that is a lot easier when the semester is over and I have a bit of free time in my life. And now final grades are in and my time is even more my own. And so I continue to work on tapas.

May you find tapas – zeal – enthusiasm – discipline - heat in your life, lighting the spark of your inner light.

10-25-12

Compassion is what Kriplau means. But what does it really mean? The Dali lama speaks of compassion as being the only thing that matters.

So I try to be compassionate. I’m not sure I’m doing it right.

Here are some examples. I get frustrated with people being in the “car” lane through Smith Park. They’ve got the whole other lane. I have no compassion there…only frustration.

I call to catch up with somebody, either personal or business or making an appointment. I call, leave voice message, text, email, even Facebook message and it still takes a week for someone to get back with me, if then. I have no compassion for our present communication system.

Someone offered me compassion. The other night while I was driving home I missed the green left turn arrow, so I went to move into the next/ right lane to go straight ahead. A car speeded up from the right lane to that middle lane so I paused. Then someone came up and let me in. That was sooo kind!

Recently I was told I’m hard on myself. Really? And yet if I am being demanding and exacting of myself, and critical when I don’t meet the bar, then am I being critical of others as well??

I’ve been so busy trying to stay on top of running a business and being a teacher, that I neglect myself. I went to a meeting this week, and was totally ungrounded. I was that way all day. I didn’t take time for myself. So I’m back to the gym. I’m back to riding my bike on the greenway. I’m back to writing and being creative, even if I don’t really think I have the time.

Is that what compassion is? Being kinder to myself so I can be more kind to others? First I take care of me so I may serve others.

I am back. Rooted. Grounded again.

Thanks for allowing me the opportunity to re-discover myself

The fog comes in

on little cat feet

It sits looking

over harbor and city

on silent haunches

and then moves on. – Carl Sandburg

This poem came to me yesterday as October was ushered in by fog over the mountain. I’ve always loved this poem. It reminds me of growing up in suburban Chicago, not unlike Carl Sandburg. Lake Michigan and its many hues and humors. And of course I’ve always loved cats. And haiku. And this poem is like haiku-short, sweet and to the point.

And it speaks of our yoga journey, which may be elusive at times, or more often than not. We may be reaching for something in our yoga practice, such as attaining a certain pose or being able to hold it for a certain time period. And we reach and we struggle and we’re not clear about what is happening or not happening because we are so focused on that particular goal. We’re in the fog…that place of unknowing. And we have to just sit with it, as the fog “sits looking over harbor and city” until the fog moves on. And then the change we were seeking may come, without struggle.

I remember a friend once who complained severely when we went downtown to the market to walk around, or cruise the Sidewalk art show, or even go shopping. He would drive around the parking lot looking for a spot close to the building, no matter how long that took. One particularly difficult day I spoke to him about his disgruntled-ness. The response I got was that he was in pain—his back was hurting all that time! Out of the fog into clarity. Then I knew for sure what was happening, as did he as he could verbalize his sensations. We then had the necessary information to go about effecting change.

From Thomas Kempis: “You cannot let go of anything if you cannot notice that you are holding it. Admit your 'weaknesses' and watch them morph into your greatest strengths.” So my friend noticed he was holding on to his fear, his pain and even his breath. He began to acknowledge the pain and seek ways to let go of it. He quit drinking Diet Coke, started practicing yoga and breathing into his pain. And he became stronger and later started a healing practice on others.

Out of the fog comes truth and clarity. Today I couldn’t even see the mountain. The sky was one big cloud all day. It makes everything surreal. Trees and leaves were more in focus because of the fogginess, or lack of focus behind it. When that cloud lifts we will be “enlightened”. In the light of day we can tell where we are and what we’re about.

Walking, jogging actually, backwards with sunglasses on…a man was daring to be out in the fog and put additional obstruction in his path…while he played on a misty, rainy day. I saw him. I was impressed. He didn’t seem to mind not knowing where he was going.

In our Foundations classes I really stress (sorry, I mean emphasize!) simply being aware of yourself and what is going on within you and how that affects you. Then the change happens. So we come from this place of not knowing ourselves very well to the yoga mat where we explore sensation while moving and breathing (that’s called “yoga”!). And it pays off. Just this week a repeat beginner told me how she noticed how she stood on her feet, which part more than the rest of the foot, and so now she has shifted, and feels stronger in her back and her body! Another student explored her chronic pain in her back and played with shifting various parts of her posture.  It was wonderful to watch these changes occur as yogis came out of the fog to see clearly what is going on in their own bodies.

Here is a chant often used at the beginning or end of yoga practice. It’s a call for peace, and describes the path of yoga, moving from that place of ignorance to awareness and knowledge. And that brings us to a place of peace, just like my friend that realized he was grumpy because his back hurt.

Sanskrit:
Asato maa sad-gamaya.
Tamaso maa jyotir-gamaya.
Mṛityor-maa-mṛitan gamaya
Om shanti shanti shanti

English Translation:
Lead us from Untruth to Truth, from Darkness to Light, from Death to Immortality.
Om peace, peace, peace

And here’s Ravi Shankar and George Harrison’s version: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B52Cx4geas0

So recently I’ve struggled with a situation and could not for the life of me see it clearly. I was in the fog. Finally I was able to take myself out of the equation, drop my ego at the door and then could see the situation oh so clearly and not be in a muddle about it. From that place of awareness came truth and acceptance, even closure. Now I see it from the other person’s perspective and am at peace.

Namaste

 

 

 

It’s. Not. All about me

It’s all about me.

I’m an Aries. What can I say? We think we’re the first astrological sign for a reason-we’re of the utmost importance. We’re first. Period.

It’s kind of embarrassing really. My daughter bought into it by giving me a big ole’ button for Mother’s Day that says…it’s all about MEEE!!!

Reminders keep coming to me that this philosophy is not necessarily so. While I was working Chillage last month,  a friend asked me if I wanted anything from a local restaurant. I said sure, bring me some pizza. And I waited and waited and finally, it dawned on me that they were all going to eat dinner, and would bring back my food when they were finished with their meal. Ah! The light bulb flashed on as my co-worker at the front desk said: “So, it’s not all about you.” Do I wear that button on me without actually wearing it??

This is the very danger of yoga - that we believe it’s all about Me. We come to yoga because, on some level, we want to work on ourselves. We want to devote time to our bodies, our minds, for our own health and wellbeing. We gotta start there. We truly do. And yet we need to move on, to think and act beyond ourselves.

Our yoga practice is simply practice for life off the mat. We only have to make that transference.

On the mat, we aim to be present for ourselves. We invite in the physical sensations, the emotional releases, and the ever flowing river of thoughts.  We breathe into the uncomfortableness. My daughter has sciatica issues and went to acupuncture for treatment. She was told to practice pigeon pose for about 2 minutes to help open up the tight places. She said  she hated pigeon because it hurts to practice it, much less for that long. That’s the yoga. To dare to go into those places where it is not pleasant and not comfortable and breathe into and be present with what is going on.

It’s all about you.

I was reading Erich Schiffman, who declares  yoga is about love. Patanjali, in his Yoga Sutras, gives a road map of how to treat ourselves and one another. No harm, no greed, honesty, not stealing—all ways we aspire to be - with ourselves and with others.

My best friend’s mother has been dying. The hardest lesson was letting go of my own day to day needs and listening, and ministering, to  her needs. Yes, my current  definition of love is  when I am thinking about someone else, not myself.

We need to be able to take care of ourselves and our own needs and then to move to that place of caring for someone else, even better. Then we are equipped to be there for others when it is not so comfortable, even painful.

I swallowed my pride (and stuffed the ego after  a bit) and stepped up to the plate with my friend, letting go of what I thought I heard and was  there for her. I had already done that with offering to do tasks, like dog walking, but I wasn’t present where needed.

It’s all about everyone

Finally, the goal of yoga is to reach enlightenment. I  taught a yoga class for students at Roanoke College who are studying enlightenment. For an entire semester they get to ponder what that is. Imagine that!  I’m thinking it’s all about all of us. Everyone. And enlightenment is that place when we don’t even think about ourselves as being distinguished from everyone else. We remember we are all the same. The ego disappears. And Oneness happens. Pure Love.

That’s all for now. Thanks for listening.

Love is the seed, surrender the bud, and service the fruit. When love itself is lacking, there cannot be any true surrender or service. Serve with a full heart. By making others happy, you make yourself happy.
—Swami Kripalu

 

Grounded. What does it mean to be grounded? Not spacy. Not scattered. Or as children say...not daydreaming. When did we stop daydreaming? Now we say our thoughts are racing, or our mind is not here. Daydreaming sounds like so much more fun!

So grounded is the opposite of all this. It is the place where we feel totally present. We are aware of the body and its sensations. We are aware of the breath. We are completely present. It is the opposite of being unfocused, and is in fact, yoga.

All that grounding is, is what yoga is. Every time we come to the mat we become aware of the body, the mind is watching it and we breathe. We are attempting to find our connection with the floor and the earth below it. We are seeking our place in the world.

In all of yoga we are focused on being present. As I write this I think, when will I get to bed? My tummy is really full from that blueberry pie. Oops! I crossed my legs again!. It is very challenging to be present and totally focused. There are so many distractions. The sounds... The crickets chirping. The night train sitting on the tracks. The flow of traffic on the highway. The thoughts - see above. Our constant craving for everything to be done and perfect.

And with yoga, it is all happening at the same time. It's simply a matter of what you choose to pay attention to. Isn't that easy?

Meditation is a way of grounding, bringing ourselves back to the present moment. We get lost in our thoughts. Daydreaming. And then we come back. Time after time after time.

Being grounded means feeling stable and rooted, like a tree. Standing postures are good tools to help us feel grounded. We reach down through the feet and feel like we know where we are. Balancing postures help us find our feet, our stability, our balance and our place in the room.

Drinking water might help you feel present. Eating meat, protein or simply eating may bring you back to your earthly body.

Sitting on your sitz bones in a seated twist, you find yourself awake and aware of twisting spine.

Lying on your belly for back bends: cobra and half locust and you are there. You are dropped down through the pelvis and feeling heavy toward the earth.

One last time for grounding..lying on your back. Nothing to do. Savasana. The final relaxation brings you back to the ground. Back to your roots. Back to your self. Letting go of all external "stuff" and remembering who you are.

Today started out as one of "those days". You know, where everything you touch falls apart, or you cannot get the bag or jar, or paint can, open. Or the screw breaks off. Your big blue garbage can spills into the street before the nice men come to pick it up. And I got so frustrated. I found myself yelling to the cats: "I can't deal with this!" And I had to back off, and take a deep breath and say, none of that mattered.

What was precious and what mattered was that my girls looked at me with wide eyes, watching my every move like it was the most exciting thing they'd ever seen! And that was feeling grounded, being with my cats, who allow me to talk to them and yell around them. They let me move their world to wash the towel or shake out the throw rug, or vacuum behind them. And through it all, they are present. They are watchful. They are awake. And enjoying every moment. OK, well, maybe not so much the yelling or vacuuming.

Being grounded for me means knowing I am present and I can do whatever I need to do at the moment. So I guess it's off to bed for some sleep.

Thanks for listening.